As some of you may know…Miss Elle Botz is going to have a baby. I’m excited. To say the very least of the possible things I could say, I will say I am excited.
I am also terrified. Curious. Impatient. Overjoyed. And…blocked.
I don’t mean blocked in the way of the over sharing pregnant woman who suddenly finds it acceptable to share every detail of her body and its functions…because…well..gross.
I mean I am blocked creatively. My goal was to have my first novel, Waking Charley Vaughan, edited and ready to print by February. I don’t even have all of my edits done yet. Something happens every time I try to sit down and write. Actually no, that’s the problem. Something doesn’t happen every time I sit down to write. No words. No thoughts. No good ideas. No bad ideas…nada…zip…zilch…zero…nothing. On the rare occasion that I do get some words out…it’s nothing good. Or at least, nothing I feel good about.
This is the second post or thought that I have successfully written down in four months. And to call this successful may be a loose use of the word. It’s strange to be so excited on the one hand, and so utterly bummed out on the other. Writing is a huge part of who I am…it’s what I do to relax, it’s how I express myself, and it’s one thing that I do regularly that I get to look at, be proud of, and say “I created that”.
And yes, I know, I know. I will get to look at Baby Botz and be proud and say “I created that…” but, this is different. I haven’t even been able to write to the baby: something else which is killing me. A baby journal should be a given for someone who prides herself as a writer. And yet, I have a blog full of half finished entries, and a baby journal with five entries started, and zero entries finished.
So my question to you, my friends and fellow writers is this: how do I unblock myself? Do they make a mental laxative?